A negative person sees the glass of water as half empty. A positive person sees it as half full. A realistic person adds two shots of whiskey, two cubes of ice and says “cheers”.
Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing”, it doesn’t mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
There is nothing quite as painful as suppressing a much needed eye roll.
You know what’s sexier than a bad boy? A grown ass man with his shit together.
I’m a huge fan of saying “you’re welcome” really loud when people don’t say thank you.
I plan my whole day around the possibility of a nap.
Not my circus, not my monkeys. But I definitely know the clowns.
I don’t like hints. Be straightforward or shut the fuck up.
Sometimes, it doesn’t work with someone because they’re piece of shit, who deserves a piece of shit and you’re not a peice of shit.
