Cynical Quotes

Once I learn someone hates me, I make sure to go out of my way to piss them off more because that’s what adults do.
Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.
Have you ever looked around you and thought I'm too sober for this shit!
Three stages of life: 1. Birth, 2. What the fuck is this, 3. Death
I think I’m emotionally constipated, I have not given a shit in days.
Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.
4 things to quit right now: 1. Trying to please everyone, 2. Fearing a change, 3. Living in the past, 4. Giving fucks.
If you didn't hear it with your own ears, or see it with your own eyes, then don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Not sure if I am emotionally strong and handle everything or I am a heartless sociopath.
My only regret is that I didn’t tell enough people to fuck off.
It’s better to have loved and lost than to live with a piece of shit that makes you miserable the rest of your life.
My morning coffee makes me feel like I got my shit together. I don’t. But it feels like it.
Someone needs to create a new essential oil called "Leave Me The Hell Alone". I’d rub that shit all over me.
The number of times I think “Shut the fuck up” while people are talking is getting out of hand.
I really hope my life doesn’t flash before my eyes when I die. There’s some shit I’d rather not see again.
They don’t discard you for someone better. They discard you for someone who can’t see their bullshit.
When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.
I don’t care who I lose anymore. I choose me. I got shit to do.
I know everything happens for a reason, but what the fuck?
Every day is Friday when you’re unemployed.