Cynical Quotes

A random toddler just waved at me. I didn't wave back. Welcome to life and all of its disappointments you little shit.

A random toddler…

I'm not negative. I encourage people people all the time. Usually it's to fuck off but so what? That's great fucking advice.

I’m not negative…

Arguing with me is crazy cause my goal isn't to win. It's to make you as mad as I can.

Arguing with me…

Kindness is my go-to, but fuck off is my wingman.

Kindness is my go-to…

No, I don't need to walk a mile in your shoes, I can see that you're a train wreck from all the way over here.

No, I don’t need to walk…

Stop asking why I'm crazy. I don't ask why you're stupid.

Stop asking why I’m crazy..

You don't accidentally become an asshole, it takes a bit of work.

You don’t accidentally become…

My favorite word is "apparently". Makes anything sound sarcastic. He is intelligent, apparently.

My favorite word…

I regret some of the things I said last night. I came up with way better insults this morning.

I regret…

Some people’s third eye is their butthole.

Some people’s third eye…