Cynical Quotes

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.
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Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.
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Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.
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Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak
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Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.
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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it becomes beautiful day.
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God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
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Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.
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Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
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Stress is caused by giving a fuck.
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Do what the fuck you want. Because in the end people are assholes and will judge you anyway.
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Before you ask why someone hates you, ask yourself why you even give a fuck.
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Don't like me? Fuck off. Problem solved.
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I love free speech. I also love ignore, mute and block.
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Some people’s birth certificates should be an apology letters from the condom factory.
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71% of our planet is covered by water. 28,9 is covered by fucking idiots.
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52% of women fake orgasms. 100% of men don’t give a shit.
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RULE NUMBER ONE: Fuck what they think.
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A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
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