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Cynical Quotes

If size doesn’t matter why are there no three inch dildos?

If size doesn’t matter…

Too many idiots, not enough villages.

Too many idiots…

Marriage is just a nice word for adopting a fully grown man who can’t take care of himself.

Marriage is…

Everyone is a sneaker motherfucker these days.

Everyone is…

Don’t drink and drive because there are people who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault.

Don’t drink and drive…

Sometimes karma is the person they end up with.

Sometimes karma…

Always lead with love. But still master the throat punch.

Always lead with love…

Oops, that was harsh, let me add “a haha” to the end to soften the blow.

Oops…

You ever looked at someone and thought “Shut the fuck up” but they're not even speaking?

You ever looked…

Normalize telling people “I don’t give a fuck” in the middle of conversations.

Normalize…