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Relationships are like fine wine. They’re expensive and eventually you just end up with a headache.
Some days it’s just better to stay in bed until the next day.
The key to happiness is low expectations. Lower. Nope, even lower. There you go.
Looking at inspirational quotes to feel better is like looking at a treadmill to lose weight.
Every morning is another chance to have a less awful day.
I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later. – Mitch Hedberg
Dream Big, Set Goals. Write goals on a nice paper and never look at them again.
By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
Those who doubt your ability probably have a valid reason.
Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person, so… maybe calm down.