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Funny Quotes

It’s hard to be kind in a world of full of people who need ass whooping.

It’s hard to be kind…

I hate when people say “Act like an adult”. Have you seen adults lately? That’s horrible advice.

I hate when people say…

Nothing is scarier than attempting the first fart after having diarrhea.

Nothing is scarier…

There’s a fine line between crazy and free spirited, and it’s usually a prescription.

There’s a fine line…

Can’t believe they let just anyone make babies but you gotta have a license to fish.

Can’t believe…

If you’re having bad day, that’s fine. It’s your day, not mine.

If you’re having bad day…

If you are my friend, you have to learn sarcasm. I can not be saying I’m kidding all the time.

If you are my friend…

If there was a line between right and wrong I snorted it years ago.

If there was a line…

If you think this silence is awkward just wait until I start talking.

If you think…

Not smiling isn’t enough for me. I need to be allowed to hiss at people.

Not smiling isn’t enough…