Funny Quotes

Alcohol: Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.

Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

Sometimes words aren’t enough and that’s why we have middle fingers.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.

Grow up. Be unicorn. Stab people with your head.

It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

I wanna be mad rich. But I’m only mad, so I’m half way there.

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They are thinking of you when they can barely think straight.