Home Browse Tags Random

Funny Quotes

It takes me 5-7 business years to get over things so don't piss me off.

It takes me 5-7…

One minute you’re young... then suddenly you have a favorite pharmacy.

One minute you’re young…

God created the world in 7 days but it took him 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal.

God created the world…

If you see toilet in your dream, do not use it.

If you see toilet…

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

I do all my own stunts…

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time so it's more of a surprise.

The key to looking amazing…

A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying “Damn... We’re fucked up”.

A good friend…

I admire people that get angry but stay classy. Once I lose my shit, it’s like open mic night at the traphouse.

I admire people…

A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made. Choose your prison mate wisely.

A wedding ring…

Everyone needs a friend who they probably shouldn't be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.

Everyone needs a friend…