Funny Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.
As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone is a piece of cake.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.
Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.
BITCHCRAFT: The art of pissing people off while smiling sweetly.
Be careful when you blindly follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
A FACT OF LIFE: After monday and tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
Always carry a little crazy with you. You never know when you’ll need it.
The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
52% of women fake orgasms. 100% of men don’t give a shit.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.