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Funny Quotes

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that who cares? They're mile away and you've got their shoes.

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that who cares? They’re mile away and you’ve got their shoes.

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talk to himself.

I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talk to himself.

Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused that stress to begin with. - Alan Garner

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused that stress to begin with. – Alan Garner

Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.