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Funny Quotes

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.

Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.

I love free speech. I also love ignore, mute and block.

I love free speech. I also love ignore, mute and block.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

A FACT OF LIFE: After monday and tuesday, even the calendar says WTF

A FACT OF LIFE: After monday and tuesday, even the calendar says WTF

Always carry a little crazy with you. You never know when you’ll need it.

Always carry a little crazy with you. You never know when you’ll need it.

The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.

The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.

A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.