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Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.
Life is like a dick. Sometimes it’s up… Sometimes it’s down…But it won’t be hard forever.
Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it’s always the liver that suffers.
Before we work on artificial intelligence why don’t we do something about natural stupidity? – Steve Polyak
Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.
Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.
As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.
Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.