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Funny Quotes

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

God gave men…

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Handle every stressful situation…

Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer and some duct tape.

Anything is possible…

I love free speech. I also love ignore, mute and block.

I love free speech…

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Alcohol doesn’t…

A FACT OF LIFE: After monday and tuesday, even the calendar says WTF

A FACT OF LIFE…

Always carry a little crazy with you. You never know when you’ll need it.

Always carry a little crazy…

The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.

The best things in life…

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

A wife is like…

A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.

A quiet man…