Funny Quotes

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Every family has…

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Always keep your chin up…

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.

Life is…

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it's always the liver that suffers.

Whenever the brain…

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak

Before we work on…

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Behind every man…

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

Making fun of someone…

As I have grown older…

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

God gave men…

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Handle every stressful situation…