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Funny Quotes

Another fine day ruined by responsibility.

Another fine day…

Some days my biggest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Some days…

Don’t half ass anything. Whatever you do, always use your full ass.

Don’t half ass anything…

Never sing in the shower. Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember don’t sing.

Never sing…

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance… The 5 stages of waking up.

Denial…

Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.

Nobody texts faster…

Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly.

Are we having some drinks…

Best friends are those who don’t say anything when you show up at their door with a dead body. They just grab a shovel and follow you.

Best friends…

Every bad thing that happens today is a direct result of choosing to get out of bed.

Every bad thing…

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I need it.

I would like…