Funny Quotes

Every guy thinks that every girl’s dream is to find the perfect guy. Wrong! Every girl’s dream is to eat without getting fat.

Every guy thinks…

Don’t judge a person for drinking and swearing, judge the quiet sober ones. Those fuckers are up to something.

Don’t judge,,,

$Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply.$

Sex is like math…

I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.

I don’t understand…

Laughing is the best medicine. Unless you are laughing for no reason…Then you need medicine.

Laughing is the best medicine…

ALCOHOL! Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

ALCOHOL!…

Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.

Mirrors don’t lie…

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that who cares? They're a mile away and you've got their shoes.

Before you judge someone…

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Arguing with a woman…

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

Even duct tape can’t…