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Inappropriate Quotes

Life is like sex, you can either lay back and let it screw you, or you can get on top and ride the hell out of it.

Your dick belongs in your pants, not in your personality.

Spreading rumors about me? Well that’s good... I mean at least you learned to spread something other then your legs!

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.

Just got a booty call from life. Apparently it wants to keep fucking me.

Sorry, it's not my job to blow sunshine up your ass.

I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I'm pretty sure you'd fall in love, and then I'd never get rid of you.

Girls have magic powers. They get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

Even if I had a pocket full of fucks I still wouldn't give you one.

During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.

Men only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

Troubles are like dicks. Everybody thinks they got the biggest.

If you don't like the word cunt, then don't act like a cunt, and you won't be called a cunt. Ya cunt.

opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room

People who think their shit don't stink haven't pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to smell the difference.

When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his penis and throws it at the female so she can inseminate herself, then he grows a new penis. If that isn't the most epic way to tell someone to "go fuck yourself" I don't know what is.

When you try your hardest not to be a fucker, but everyone you deal with is a fucker, so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outfuck the fuckers.

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time...

Dear life, could you at least start using lubricant?

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