Inappropriate

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I swear some people must have been conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.
Just how deep is the average vagina, actually? Deep enough for a man to lose his house, his car, his dog, and half of his savings and assets.
If I ever give a flying fuck, it'll be because it's sex position.
Having a bad day? You could be a siamese twin attached to a gay brother who has a date and you you're the only one with an ass
Three rules for life: 1 Fuck, 2 Don't give a fuck, 3 Don't be fucked over
If you're over 40 it's no longer called masturbation. It's called a system check.
To the women who say “all men are the same”. Maybe you shouldn’t have tried them all?
I like the type of people whose sense of humor may be described as "inappropriate" with the chance of ruining family dinner.
More money is spent on boob jobs and viagra than on alzheimer's research. By 2040 the elderly will have perky tits, stiff cocks, and no fucking idea why!
A fuck must be earned. I can't go down the street with a bucket of fucks, giving them out to everyone. If I feel that you earned it, I will give a fuck.
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where shitty ideas come from.

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that’s where shitty ideas come from.

The longer you stay single, the more they fuck your future wife.

The longer you stay single, the more they fuck your future wife.

Think old and you'll be old. Think young and you'll be a delusional old fart.

Think old and you’ll be old. Think young and you’ll be a delusional old fart.

The biggest step in any relationships isn’t the first kiss. It is the first fart.

The biggest step in any relationships isn’t the first kiss. It is the first fart.

Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.

Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.

Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. – Betty White

Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. – Betty White

If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
Girls always say they appreciate the little things in life, until you whip out your little penis.
Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or living with one.