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Inappropriate

During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.

Men only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

Troubles are like dicks. Everybody thinks they got the biggest.

If you don't like the word cunt, then don't act like a cunt, and you won't be called a cunt. Ya cunt.

opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room

People who think their shit don't stink haven't pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to smell the difference.

When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his penis and throws it at the female so she can inseminate herself, then he grows a new penis. If that isn't the most epic way to tell someone to "go fuck yourself" I don't know what is.

When you try your hardest not to be a fucker, but everyone you deal with is a fucker, so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outfuck the fuckers.

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time...

Dear life, could you at least start using lubricant?

Bitch Please, I'm so freaking fabulous, I pee glitter, shit cupcakes, and fart rainbows.

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just a fucking twat waffle and isn't worth your time.

I am not an asshole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate assholes.

Bitch: Any girl who is skinnier or prettier than you.

Opinions are like farts. Just because you have one inside you, doesn't mean you need to let it out.

Fuck Off Pie: 1 cup of no one cares, a dash of kiss my ass, add some fuck you's, a pinch of blow me. Stare and shove it up your ass.

A lot of us fell in love with someone we should of only fucked once then murdered.

FUCK: The only fucking word that can be put every fuckingwhere and still make fucking sence.

How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

Life is a bitch. So learn how to fuck it.

Love is cuddling until you fall asleep together... Even though you know he farts in his sleep... All damn night.

Fuck the fucking fuckers before the fucking fuckers fuck you.

DEJA POO: The feeling that you've heard that crap before.

The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers... - Robert Kirkman

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