Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that’s where shitty ideas come from.
The longer you stay single, the more they fuck your future wife.
Think old and you’ll be old. Think young and you’ll be a delusional old fart.
The biggest step in any relationships isn’t the first kiss. It is the first fart.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. – Betty White