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Inappropriate Quotes

Imagine how cool it would be if we lost weight every time we farted.
My age is very inappropriate for my behaviour.
Every group needs its twat, and if you’re in a group of people and there isn’t a twat, then it’s you. - Angus Watson
For every time I gave a fuck, that fuck fucked me over.
Orgasms are one of the healthiest forms of stress release. So if I tell you to go fuck yourself it’s because I care.
LIVE TODAY LIKE IT IS YOUR LAST DAY! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn’t.
I used to be so nice and sweet. Now I’m just like fuck you, fuck that, fuck everybody.
You can not unfuck what has been fucked!
Some people speak so much crap, it’s difficult to know whether to offer them toilet paper or a breath mint.
Life is like sex, you can either lay back and let it screw you, or you can get on top and ride the hell out of it.
Your dick belongs in your pants, not in your personality.
Spreading rumors about me? Well that’s good... I mean at least you learned to spread something other then your legs!
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.
Just got a booty call from life. Apparently it wants to keep fucking me.
Sorry, it's not my job to blow sunshine up your ass.
I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I'm pretty sure you'd fall in love, and then I'd never get rid of you.
Girls have magic powers. They get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.
Even if I had a pocket full of fucks I still wouldn't give you one.
During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.