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Life is a lot like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely… then woman makes it hard.

Life is a lot like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely… then woman makes it hard.

I’m not a proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one.

I’m not a proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one.

Men look at woman’s behind and go “wow! What an ass!” Woman look at man’s face and think the same.

Men look at woman’s behind and go “wow! What an ass!” Woman look at man’s face and think the same.

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Every day of my life forces me to add another name to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass.

Every day of my life forces me to add another name to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass.

KARMASUTRA: When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.

KARMASUTRA: When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.

Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.

Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.

Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.

Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.

Don't be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.

Don’t be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.

Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.