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Inappropriate Quotes

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.

If you can make a woman laugh…

Just got a booty call from life. Apparently it wants to keep fucking me.

Just got a booty call…

Sorry, it's not my job to blow sunshine up your ass.

Sorry, it’s not my job…

I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I'm pretty sure you'd fall in love, and then I'd never get rid of you.

I’d tell you to kiss my ass…

Girls have magic powers. They get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

Girls have magic powers…

Even if I had a pocket full of fucks I still wouldn't give you one.

Even if I had a pocket…

During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.

During sex…

I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.

I run on caffeine…

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

I’m trying to see…

Troubles are like dicks. Everybody thinks they got the biggest.

Troubles…