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How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Every day of my life forces me to add another name to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass.
KARMASUTRA: When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.
Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.
Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.
Don’t be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.
Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.
Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.
Complaining is mouth farting. And like any farting, I don’t mind hearing my own, but I don’t want to hear anyone else’s.
“As fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.