Inappropriate Quotes

Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Complaining is mouth farting. And like any farting, I don’t mind hearing my own, but I don’t want to hear anyone else’s.

“As fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it’s up… Sometimes it’s down…But it won’t be hard forever.

Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck.

52% of women fake orgasms. 100% of men don’t give a shit.