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Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or living with one.

Life is all about ass…

I’m not a gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.

I’m not a gynecologist…

Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.

Happiness…

Masturbation is the only thing that isn't taxed, regulated, or illegal. That's your "freedom". You're free to go fuck yourself.

Masturbation…

Life is a dick, sometimes it gets hard for no reason.

Life is a dick…

Life is a lot like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely… then woman makes it hard.

Life is a lot like…

I’m not a proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one.

I’m not a proctologist…

Men look at woman’s behind and go “wow! What an ass!” Woman look at man’s face and think the same.

Men look at woman’s behind…

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

How is a woman like a condom?…

Every day of my life forces me to add another name to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass.

Every day of my life…