Inappropriate Quotes

Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or living with one.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
Masturbation is the only thing that isn't taxed, regulated, or illegal. That's your "freedom". You're free to go fuck yourself.
Of course life is a bitch. If it was a slut it would be easy.
Life is a dick, sometimes it gets hard for no reason.
Men look at woman’s behind and go “wow! What an ass!” Woman look at man’s face and think the same.
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.
Don't be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.
Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.
Complaining is mouth farting. And like any farting, I don’t mind hearing my own, but I don’t want to hear anyone else’s.
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.
Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
Stress is caused by giving a fuck.
Some people’s birth certificates should be an apology letters from the condom factory.
52% of women fake orgasms. 100% of men don’t give a shit.