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I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.
Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.
Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher.
Life is like a dick. Sometimes it’s up… Sometimes it’s down…But it won’t be hard forever.
Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it’s always the liver that suffers.
Every time I say “Life can’t get more fucked up”. Life replies, “Challenge accepted”.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.