Offensive Quotes

“How sexually active are you?” Very, life fucks the shit out of me and I don't remember the safe word.

“How sexually active are you?”…

Why age gracefully when you can age like old cheese... full of character and slightly offensive.

Why age gracefully…

One day you are going to look back and wish you had told more people to go fuck themselves.

One day…

If I ever said “I love you” I meant it with my whole heart. If I ever said “Fuck you” I meant it a little more.

If I ever said “I love you”…

I don’t need an inspirational quote to start the day. Just give me coffee and shut the fuck up.

I don’t need…

You gotta learn to say fuck them just like they say fuck you and keep it moving.

You gotta learn to say …

Row, row, row your boat gently the fuck away from me.

Row, row, row your boat…

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I'm pretty sure you'd be disappointed.

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself…

I’ll stop being a sarcastic bastard when you stop being a stupid fuck.

I’ll stop being a sarcastic…

I’ll tell you what we don't have a shortage of. Dumbasses.

I’ll tell you…