Offensive

Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
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I would slap you, but shit splatters.
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Bitch: Any girl who is skinnier or prettier than you.
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Get a condom for your heart. I am about to fuck your feelings.
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Fuck Off Pie: 1 cup of no one cares, a dash of kiss my ass, add some fuck you's, a pinch of blow me. Stare and shove it up your ass.
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Never kick me when I'm down, because when I get back up... you're fucked.
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TIP OF THE DAY: always make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an asshole.
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If you hate yourself, remember that you are not alone. A lot of other people hate you too.
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Ever look at someone and think, "Why has no one hit you with a shovel yet?"
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Don't bother paying a therapist. I'll tell you what's wrong with you for free.
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The world will be a better place if you kick an asshole in the face.
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Throw lamps at people who need to lighten the fuck up.
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Sometimes I enjoy when people stop being friends with me. It's like the garbage took itself out.
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When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I wanna be there just in case it needs help.
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When one door closes, sometimes you want to get a hammer and nails to make sure that bitch stays shut.
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I don't have trust issues. I just think most people are full of shit.
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I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
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Some people are like a bag of pampers... Self absorbed and full of shit.
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God must love stupid people. He made so many.
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TO ANYONE I HAVE EVER HURT, BLOWN OFF, JUDGED, DISRESPECTED ETC... you probably deserved that shit now fuck off.
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