Offensive Quotes

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Remember…

Do you ever meet someone for the first time and want to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

Do you ever meet someone…

“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give to some people. – Thomas L. Masson

“Be yourself”…

BOSSHOLE: A person who turns into an asshole ten seconds after being made supervisor.

BOSSHOLE…

My ex has one very annoying habit. Breathing.

My ex has…

Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”

Have you ever met someone…

Can you see the “fuck you” in my smile?

Can you see…

Nothing brings a group of assholes together faster than something that’s none of their fucking business.

Nothing brings a group…

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it?

Maybe if we tell people…

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Alan Dundes

Light travels faster…