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My ex has one very annoying habit. Breathing.

My ex has…

Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”

Have you ever met someone…

Can you see the “fuck you” in my smile?

Can you see…

Nothing brings a group of assholes together faster than something that’s none of their fucking business.

Nothing brings a group…

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it?

Maybe if we tell people…

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Alan Dundes

Light travels faster…

If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.

If I was a bird…

I suck at apologies, so…unfuck you or whatever.

I suck at apologies…

Every day of my life forces me to add another name to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass.

Every day of my life…

Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.

Mirrors don’t lie…