Offensive

Do you ever feel the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren’t talking?
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Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming clearly? I feel that way about too many people.
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Bitch please, your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
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Do you ever meet someone for the first time and want to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?
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Before you judge me, you better make sure you’re fucking perfect.
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“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give to some people. – Thomas L. Masson
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BOSSHOLE: A person who turns into an asshole ten seconds after being made supervisor.
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My ex has one very annoying habit. Breathing.
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Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”
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Before you judge me try walking a mile in my shoes so you can see how little I care and how good it feels to be a mile away from you.
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Can you see the “fuck you” in my smile?
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Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
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Nothing brings a group of assholes together faster than something that’s none of their fucking business.
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Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it?
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If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
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I suck at apologies, so…unfuck you or whatever.
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Every day of my life forces me to add another name to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass.
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Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
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Don’t like me? Fuck off. Problem solved.
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A little piece of advice…Don’t talk shit if you can’t fight.
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