Rude Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

I hate when people say "nice to meet you" before I've even said anything. How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm an asshole.
Never kick me when I'm down, because when I get back up... you're fucked.
3 THINGS TO KNOW IN LIFE: 1. Never beg anyone, 2. Never trust anyone, 3. Never depend on anyone
My dream job would be driving the karma bus.
Most people have X's. I have bunch of Y's and WTF's.
If I had a dollar for every time I fake laughed at work I wouldn't even need a job anymore.
I'm so glad I grew up in the '80s and '90s. I did so much stupid shit - and there is no record of it anywhere.
TIP OF THE DAY: always make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an asshole.
Have you ever looked at someone and just imagined holding their head under water? Oh, me neither.
At this point in my life I am positive some people were put on this earth to test my alcohol tolerance level.
If you hate yourself, remember that you are not alone. A lot of other people hate you too.
I used to think I had some control over my life. Now, I just pull up a chair and watch the shit show unfold before me.
When I feel down and someone tells me to "Suck it up" I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and then say "Walk it off".
Life begins the moment you realize you don't have to prove shit to anyone.
Ever look at someone and think, "Why has no one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Me being rude: Shut the fuck up. Me being polite: Please shut the fuck up.
Fly like an eagle. Fuck like a rabbit.
Holy fuck, I need a vacation, or a winning lottery ticket, or one fucking day with no bullshit. I’d settle for that!
I wish they made SHUT THE FUCK UP spray.
I wonder if life smokes after it fucks me.