Rude Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for "Real Life", they'd offer a class called "Working with assholes".
MY VOCABULARY: 50% swearing, 50% sarcasm.
I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. Now I look around and wonder If I like them.
Dear life, could you at least start using lubricant?
No matter how low I lower the bar of expectations, some people manage to roll right under it.
The fact that the jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.
GRAMMAR: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAVE A DRINK. - Me as a therapist.
Always trust your gut. Your brain can be fooled and your heart is an idiot, but your gut doesn't know how to lie.
Shitastrophy: word used for massive mess ups, fucked up situations, and epic fails.
Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel, because you can be too weak to raise your middle finger.
The turtle can breathe through it’s ass. Humans have not yet reached this stage of evolution, although many have learned to talk through it.
The problem with some people is that they're breathing.
There is a fine line between paying someone compliments and kissing someone's arse. Never cross it.
I hate it when people tell me that swearing isn't necessary. I am fucking vulgar not stupid and I know it isn't fucking necessary. But it is very fucking satisfying.
I’m not sure that we all have an inner child, but some definitely have an inner-idiot they have no control whatsoever over.
They said life is too short to hold grudges. I think life too short to be letting people get away with the same shit.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
Being a good person doesn't mean you have to put up with other people's crap all the time.
People love to watch you fall and they get mad as hell when you get back up stronger.