Rude

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I swear some people must have been conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.
There's just not enough toilet paper in the world to clean up all this crap some people create. - Susan Gale
Just how deep is the average vagina, actually? Deep enough for a man to lose his house, his car, his dog, and half of his savings and assets.
I realize that some people don't like me. I also realize that I highly don't give a fuck.
Just once I would like to make it through an entire day without having WTF moment!!
If I ever give a flying fuck, it'll be because it's sex position.
Having a bad day? You could be a siamese twin attached to a gay brother who has a date and you you're the only one with an ass
Some people aren't just missing the odd screw. The whole freakin' toolbox is gone
Three rules for life: 1 Fuck, 2 Don't give a fuck, 3 Don't be fucked over
I look at people sometimes and think... Really? That's the sperm that won!?
FAMILY VACATION: A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together.
It's so nice when toxic people stop talking to you. It's like the trash took itself out.
You know you are drunk when you put your food in the microwave and enter your pin number.
If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis. - David Sedaris
The only person I trust is me, and even that is fucking iffy sometimes.
If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes, it wasn't you who decided to have sex.
Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say: "Hey look... that one is shaped like an idiot".
If laughter is the best medicine your face must be curing the world.
The word of today is BULLSHIT. No need to spread the word, there is plenty of it going around.