Some people just need a hug…around the neck…with a rope.
Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.
At first I cared, but then I was like “Nah, fuck you”.
Every day is another opportunity to fuck it all up again.
Didn’t care yesterday. Don’t give a shit today. Probably won’t give a fuck tomorrow.
Don’t worry about getting older. You’re still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
Be careful around ass kissers. They’re always the first to talk shit and start drama.
Don’t like me? Have a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck.
Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all. – Kurt Cobain
Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.
Being single is lonely. Being in a relationship is stressful. Just talking to people is fucking annoying. You really can’t win.
Can you die from constipation? I’m a little worried with how full of shit some people are.
Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.
Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.
Listen, smile, agree. And then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway. – Robert Downey Jr.
Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that who cares? They’re mile away and you’ve got their shoes.
How to be grown up at work: Replace “Fuck You” with “OK Great”.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not surrounded by assholes.
Don't be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have an Alzheimer’s.
Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused that stress to begin with. - Alan Garner
Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.
Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.