Rude Thoughts and Quotes

Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.
People are assholes. Just make sure you're not the toilet paper.
GOLF: An excuse for old fat men to say they still play a sport.
I'm confident my last words will be, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
If someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, "haven't decided yet"
People say "You never know what you have until it's gone". Well... I know what I had and I'm glad it's gone.
Your first mistake is thinking people really give a fuck about you. Your second mistake is giving fuck about them.
Lord, Grant me the serenity to accept stupid people the way they are, courage to maintain my self-control, and wisdom to know that if I act on it, I will go to jail!
Just once I would like to make it through an entire day without having WTF moment!!
Listen, I’m nice person. So if I’m asshole to you, you need to ask yourself why.
Instead of "Have a nice day" I think I'll start saying "Have the day you deserve". You know, let karma sort that shit out.
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it's finally fucking over.
WARNING! Bitching at me to do things wont make me do them any faster. If anything I'll take even longer just to piss you the fuck off.
Some days I really believe that my horoscope is going to say: "Just don't fucking kill anyone today"
Everyone wants to be accepted and liked except for me. I couldn't give a flying fuck.
I'm honestly convinced some women don't fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
I don't want something really bad to happen to you, but if a bird shit on you, that would be fine.
I don't get this whole, "no fucks given thing"... I have a ton of fucks to give: fuck off, fuck you, fuck that,fuck this...
I say what the fuck needs to be said, not what you want to hear.
Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time?