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Sarcastic Quotes

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it’s up… Sometimes it’s down…But it won’t be hard forever.

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it's always the liver that suffers.

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it’s always the liver that suffers.

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don’t we do something about natural stupidity? – Steve Polyak

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.