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Sarcastic Quotes

For all the women that brag about how many men want them, just remember the cheapest prices attract the most customers.

For all the women that brag about how many men want them, just remember the cheapest prices attract the most customers.

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that pissed you off in the first place?

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that pissed you off in the first place?

Don't like me? Cool. I don't wake up every day to impress you.

Don’t like me? Cool. I don’t wake up every day to impress you.

Everyone complains about a lack of money, but none complain about a lack of brains. – Jewish proverb

Everyone complains about a lack of money, but none complain about a lack of brains. – Jewish proverb

Do you ever feel the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren’t talking?

Do you ever feel the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren’t talking?

Best friends are those who don’t say anything when you show up at their door with a dead body. They just grab a shovel and follow you.

Best friends are those who don’t say anything when you show up at their door with a dead body. They just grab a shovel and follow you.

Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.

Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.

Every bad thing that happens today is a direct result of choosing to get out of bed.

Every bad thing that happens today is a direct result of choosing to get out of bed.

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I need it.

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I need it.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.