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Sarcastic Quotes

Masturbation is the only thing that isn't taxed, regulated, or illegal. That's your "freedom". You're free to go fuck yourself.

Masturbation…

I used to care what people thought about me, until one day, I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.

I used to care…

Of course life is a bitch. If it was a slut it would be easy.

Of course life is a bitch…

I've got a good heart, but this mouth...

I’ve got a good heart…

Funny how everything goes your way when you stop giving a fuck.

Funny how…

My ex has one very annoying habit. Breathing.

My ex has…

Did you know if you text your boss “Go Fuck Yourself” you don’t have to go to work anymore?

Did you know…

Life is a dick, sometimes it gets hard for no reason.

Life is a dick…

Let me be perfectly clear. The only asshole I want in my life is the one I was born with.

Let me be perfectly clear…

Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”

Have you ever met someone…