Sarcastic Quotes

I'm polite with good manners, but bitch don't push me.

I’m polite…

PATIENCE: What you have when there are too many witnesses.

PATIENCE…

People are assholes. Just make sure you're not the toilet paper.

People are assholes…

GOLF: An excuse for old fat men to say they still play a sport.

GOLF…

I'm confident my last words will be, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

I’m confident…

Life is short. Buy those shoes, miss this month rent, lose your job, get evicted, lose your friends, ruin your life. Treat yourself.

Life is short…

If someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, "haven't decided yet"

If someone points…

People say "You never know what you have until it's gone". Well... I know what I had and I'm glad it's gone.

People say…

Your first mistake is thinking people really give a fuck about you. Your second mistake is giving fuck about them.

Your first mistake…

Mom says: "Alcohol is your enemy". Jesus says: "Love your enemy". Case closed

Mom says…