Sarcastic Quotes

Not giving a fuck is better than revenge.

Not giving a fuck…

Lord, Grant me the serenity to accept stupid people the way they are, courage to maintain my self-control, and wisdom to know that if I act on it, I will go to jail!

Lord, Grant me the serenity…

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is not what I expected.

When I was a kid…

Listen, I am a nice person. So if I am an asshole to you, you need to ask yourself why.

Listen, I’m a nice person…

Instead of "Have a nice day" I think I'll start saying "Have the day you deserve". You know, let karma sort that shit out.

Instead of…

Women won't date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.

Women won’t date…

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it's finally fucking over.

Don’t cry…

Have you ever wondered if the dollar bills in your purse or wallet were ever in a strippers butt crack? I bet you’re wondering now. Have a nice day!

Have you ever wondered…

Just remember, other people's opinions won't pay your bills.

Just remember…

WARNING! Bitching at me to do things wont make me do them any faster. If anything I'll take even longer just to piss you the fuck off.

WARNING!…