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Sarcastic Quotes

Don't worry about hurting my feelings because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.

Don’t worry…

Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.

Women fall in love…

Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

Have you ever noticed…

I am fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.

I am fluent…

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, drunk people, and anyone who is pissed the fuck off.

Only 3 types of people…

If I have to fight for your attention then fuck your attention.

If I have to fight…

Once you know what's up, be smart and play dumb.

Once you know…

Some people are so full of shit!! They should have flushing handles instead of ears!!

Some people…

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Relationships…

"The truth shall set you free." Unless you're in a court. Then you should probably shut the fuck up.

“The truth…