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Sarcastic Quotes

I changed my horn to gunshot sounds. Now people move out of the way much faster.

I changed my horn…

The biggest step in any relationships isn’t the first kiss. It is the first fart.

The biggest step…

First rule of house cleaning while listening to power ballads: The toilet brush is never the microphone.

First rule…

SWEARING. Because sometimes “gosh darn” and “meanie head” just don’t cover it.

“SWEARING IS UNATTRACTIVE”…

Did you ever look at one of your co-workers and think how the fuck do you work here?

Did you ever look…

If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.

If you’re wrong…

Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are. - Frank Ocean

Don’t confuse…

Hang on, I’m still trying to decide whether I don’t give a shit or if I don’t give a fuck.

Hang on…

There is a big difference between a QUIET woman and a SILENT woman. The first one is a miracle. The second one is a time bomb.

There is a big difference…

Sometimes you just gotta stay silent cause no words can explain the shit that’s going on in your mind and heart.

Sometimes…