Sarcastic Quotes

Karma is always watching. Just like Santa Claus, only bitchier.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. - Oscar Wilde
Just because I give you advice, it doesn’t mean I know more than you. It just means I’ve done more stupid shit.
If you never try anything new, you’ll miss out on many of life’s great disappointments.
Once I learn someone hates me, I make sure to go out of my way to piss them off more because that’s what adults do.
They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody? - Princess Diana
When life knocks you down, stay there and take a nap.
Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re done. - Darynda Jones
“Control your emotions” doesn’t mean “avoid your emotions". Feel your shit, understand your shit, but don’t lose your shit.
I’m going to be real pissed off if I get my shit together and the world ends.
Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.
Have you ever looked around you and thought I'm too sober for this shit!
It is OK to lose your shit sometimes because if you keep your shit, you’ll end up full of shit and then you’ll explode and there will be shit everywhere. A shit storm. And nobody wants that.
If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.
Three stages of life: 1. Birth, 2. What the fuck is this, 3. Death
I think I’m emotionally constipated, I have not given a shit in days.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep.
Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.
4 things to quit right now: 1. Trying to please everyone, 2. Fearing a change, 3. Living in the past, 4. Giving fucks.
If you didn't hear it with your own ears, or see it with your own eyes, then don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.