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Sarcastic Quotes

I got on my slip resistant shoes. I ain’t falling for shit.

I got on my slip…

If you word ain’t shit, neither are you.

If you word ain’t shit…

Therapy helps but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper.

Therapy helps…

Confidence is knowing you’re making a giant mistake and doing it anyway.

Confidence is…

Nothing saves money like being antisocial.

Nothing saves money…

It’s a joke not a dick, don’t take it so hard.

It’s a joke…

Haters are like crickets. They chirp all fucking day and when you walk by them they shut the fuck up.

Haters are like crickets…

Even from all the way over here, I can still see what an asshole you are.

Even from all the way…

I don’t know where all this crap about me being “difficult person” is coming from. I am constant fucking delight.

I don’t know where all this crap…

If I paid any attention to all the dumb shit people said about me, I’d be just as miserable and sad as them.

If I paid any attention…