Sarcastic Quotes

If you really can’t stand someone, let them 100$. Chances are you’ll never see them again.

If you really can’t stand…

Guess what happens after you’re offended. Nothing! That’s it! Now be an adult and move on.

Guess what happens…

You can be funny without being an asshole. I can’t... But you probably can.

You can be funny…

When you can be anything you want, an asshole seems an odd choice.

When you can be…

Whenever I tell someone where I live and they say, “OMG that’s so far” I’m like calm down I’m not inviting you.

Whenever I tell someone…

I tried to follow my dreams. But now I have multiple restraining orders.

I tried…

I’m not really a people person. So if I like you, you should consider yourself fucking lucky.

I’m not really a people person…

I’m still waiting patiently for the wisdom that supposedly comes with old age. Anyone else?

I’m still waiting…

My brain says “let’s do something exciting today”. My body says “don’t listen to that fool”.

My brain says…

Row, row, row your boat gently the fuck away from me.

Row, row, row your boat…