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Sarcastic Quotes

Why yes, I do smile a little when karma pays a visit to someone who so desperately deserves it.

Why yes…

Oh look, it seems that your bullshit train has just pulled into my I don’t give a fuck station.

Oh look, it seems…

I don't hold grudges. I hold memories that keep me better prepared for our next encounter.

I don’t hold grudges…

I thought I had social anxiety. Turns out I just didn't want to hang out with a bunch of assholes.

I thought I had social anxiety…

I ignore a lot of shit because I hate drama but let me make one thing clear. I fear no motherfucker.

I ignore a lot of shit…

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time so it's more of a surprise.

The key to looking amazing…

Dear Ex, if I could go back to the day I met you, I would stay at home and cook rice one by one.

Dear Ex…

A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made. Choose your prison mate wisely.

A wedding ring…

Don’t ever piss off a short girl. They are like cute, adorable tiny ninjas of death, who are at the perfect height to punch you in the balls. Shirt girls are badass!

Don’t ever piss off…

Here is a reminder before you lose your shit today. They don’t serve alcohol in prison.

Here is a reminder…