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Sarcastic Quotes

People who say “go big or go home” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it’is literally my only goal.

People who say…

I think someone out there has a voodoo doll of me and is forcing it to make bad life decisions.

I think someone out there…

Due to rising costs, dirty deeds can no longer be done dirt cheap. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Due to rising costs…

It is OK to bite the hand that feeds you, if it’s feeding you bullshit.

It is OK…

I’m too old to get pretend. I know who I am, I own that shit like motherfucker.

I’m too old…

Some people tell me to be myself. But I always get in fucking trouble when I do.

Some people tell…

Maybe your final stage of healing is telling folks to fuck off.

Maybe…

Controlling my mouth is the easy part. It’s the subtitles on my face, that’s the problem.

Controlling my mouth…

Keep your head up. You’re already ugly and broke. Can’t afford to be negative too.

Keep your head up…

I'm guessing who first called it “common sense” didn't fucking know very many people.

I’m guessing who first…