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Sarcastic

I may not be much help in telling you what works. But I sure have fucked up enough to tell you what doesn't.

Being an adult is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by fucking airplane.

It's never too late to get your shit together.

I have 3 moods: IDK, IDC, IDGAF.

You think everyone has the same heart as you, and that's what's going to fuck you up.

Every evening when I tell my boss "Have a good night", what I really saying is "Go fuck yourself".

I've learned a lot of great lessons from a few fucked up people.

How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the fuck out of my way" becomes acceptable?

Pretty sure I’ve spent about a third of my life saying "What the fuck is wrong with people".

I am much nicer if you don't get to know me.

Never try to fuck up someone's life with the lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.

opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room

Too bad you can't photoshop an ugly personality.

Trusting people has made me the asshole I am today.

People who think their shit don't stink haven't pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to smell the difference.

Is it just me or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?

Rude, Sarcastic, Funny Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings

Remember, if you have an issue with me I will never give a flying fuck. My life, my rules. Can’t handle it? Fuck the fuck off.

I'm an odd combination of "really sweet" and "don't mess with me".

Let's not make this more complicated than it has to be. If you don't want to be called out on your shit, don't act shitty.

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