Sarcastic Quotes

NEVER in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.

NEVER…

Sometimes I just don’t feel like getting out of bed… Then I remember I have people to piss off and prove wrong.

Sometimes…

Sometimes the most soul cleansing, spiritual thing you can do is to tell someone to fuck off.

Sometimes…

Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.

Some people…

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Life is not a fairy tale…

People start shit. Then act like they have no idea how shit got started.

People start shit…

Sarcasm is a body’s natural defence against stupidity.

Sarcasm…

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

Marriage…

If someone asks “Are You Crazy?” Simply reply “Yes”. Boom. End of discussion.

If someone asks…

Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you have two hands.

Sometimes…