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Sarcastic Quotes

Speaking my mind is easy… Speaking it tactfully not so much.

Speaking my mind is easy…

Once you hit a certain age you become permanently unimpressed by a lot of shit.

Once you hit a certain age…

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips

I asked God for a bike…

If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.

If I was a bird…

Men look at woman’s behind and go “wow! What an ass!” Woman look at man’s face and think the same.

Men look at woman’s behind…

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

How is a woman like a condom?…

Sarcasm and orgasm…My two favorite “asms”.

Sarcasm and orgasm…

If you see your glass as half empty, pour it into a smaller glass and stop bitching.

If you see your glass as half empty…

I’ve found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes.

I’ve found the key to happiness…

Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

Life would be easier…