Sarcastic Quotes

I wish more people were fluent in silence.

I wish…

Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

Sometimes I wish…

BOSSHOLE: A person who turns into an asshole ten seconds after being made supervisor.

BOSSHOLE…

Masturbation is the only thing that isn't taxed, regulated, or illegal. That's your "freedom". You're free to go fuck yourself.

Masturbation…

I used to care what people thought about me, until one day, I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.

I used to care…

Of course life is a bitch. If it was a slut it would be easy.

Of course life is a bitch…

I've got a good heart, but this mouth...

I’ve got a good heart…

Funny how everything goes your way when you stop giving a fuck.

Funny how…

My ex has one very annoying habit. Breathing.

My ex has…

Did you know if you text your boss “Go Fuck Yourself” you don’t have to go to work anymore?

Did you know…