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Sarcastic Quotes

Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Blessed are the constipated…

Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

Friends are like boobs…

Complaining is mouth farting. And like any farting, I don’t mind hearing my own, but I don’t want to hear anyone else’s.

Complaining is…

“As fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.

“As fuck”…

Fake people have an image to maintain. Real people just don’t give a shit!

Fake people…

Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.

Don’t try to understand women…

pen-minded. your brains fall out. - G.K. Chesterton.

Do not be…

People start shit. Then act like they have no idea how shit got started.

People start shit…

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex…

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Every family has…