Sarcastic Quotes

People start shit. Then act like they have no idea how shit got started.

People start shit…

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex…

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Every family has…

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Always keep your chin up…

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.

Life is…

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it's always the liver that suffers.

Whenever the brain…

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak

Before we work on…

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Some days…

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Behind every man…

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

Making fun of someone…