Sarcastic Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

Did you know if you text your boss “Go Fuck Yourself” you don’t have to go to work anymore?
Life is a dick, sometimes it gets hard for no reason.
Let me be perfectly clear. The only asshole I want in my life is the one I was born with.
Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?”
If you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re pretty fun to be around.
Before you judge me try walking a mile in my shoes so you can see how little I care and how good it feels to be a mile away from you.
Edit | | Trash | View admin Attitude, Funny, Offensive, Rude, Sarcastic —No tags —No comments Published 2020/04/01 0 0 Focus keyphrase not set. Needs improvement Select It’s very hard to make friends as an adult because once you’re an adult you’ve realized you hate everyone. It’s very hard to make friends as an adult because once you’re an adult you’ve realized you hate everyone.
I love making people who don’t like me hate me more by just being me.
In alcohol’s defence I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Can you see the “fuck you” in my smile?
If you’re going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you’re just an ass.
Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
Nothing brings a group of assholes together faster than something that’s none of their fucking business.
Life is a lot like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely… then woman makes it hard.
If I actually “spoke my mind” I’d be in deep shit.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.
Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s just not worth a jail time.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it?
I’m not a proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Alan Dundes