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Sarcastic Quotes

I’m going to be real pissed off if I get my shit together and the world ends.
Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.
Have you ever looked around you and thought I'm too sober for this shit!
It is OK to lose your shit sometimes because if you keep your shit, you’ll end up full of shit and then you’ll explode and there will be shit everywhere. A shit storm. And nobody wants that.
If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.
Three stages of life: 1. Birth, 2. What the fuck is this, 3. Death
I think I’m emotionally constipated, I have not given a shit in days.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep.
Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.
4 things to quit right now: 1. Trying to please everyone, 2. Fearing a change, 3. Living in the past, 4. Giving fucks.
If you didn't hear it with your own ears, or see it with your own eyes, then don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Not sure if I am emotionally strong and handle everything or I am a heartless sociopath.
My only regret is that I didn’t tell enough people to fuck off.
I can do anything with a little profanity and sarcasm.
It’s better to have loved and lost than to live with a piece of shit that makes you miserable the rest of your life.
My morning coffee makes me feel like I got my shit together. I don’t. But it feels like it.
Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not tequila. - Emmy Rossum
Someone needs to create a new essential oil called "Leave Me The Hell Alone". I’d rub that shit all over me.
I wonder if people look both ways before getting on my fucking nerves.
The number of times I think “Shut the fuck up” while people are talking is getting out of hand.