Sarcastic Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

Some people are like old TVs. They need to be slapped a few times to get fucking picture.
If each day is a gift…Can we get a refund on a shitty ones?
I can’t go around murdering people, so my hilarious put dows will have to do.
It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head, we all are. It’s only when you are fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.
If you love someone let them go. If you hate someone let them go. Basically let everyone go. People are stupid.
You can be a good person with a beautiful spirit and still be able to tell someone to go fuck themselves when needed.
No matter how hard I try to be nice someone always tries to push my asshole button.
When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, try a hockey stick. Results may vary.
I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems like it’s impossible but 8 beers and 6 shots in 3 hours go down like a fat kid on see-saw…
Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
Fuck every single person that took advantage of your kindness and mistook it for weakness.
I don’t have a short temper. I just have a quick reaction to bullshit. – Elizabeth Taylor
Ever just look at someone and think, this motherfucker is going to be the reason I go to jail?
Maturity is knowing what shit to cut and what fuck to give.
I wonder how many people think, “What the fuck?” after talking to me.
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes, that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that will freak you right out.
I suck at apologies, so…unfuck you or whatever.
Every guy thinks that every girl’s dream is to find the perfect guy. Wrong! Every girl’s dream is to eat without getting fat.
If it’s the thought that counts then I should probably be in jail.