Sarcastic Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

Don’t judge a person for drinking and swearing, judge the quiet sober ones. Those fuckers are up to something.
Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don’t multiply.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Every day of my life forces me to add another name to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass.
Laughing is the best medicine. Unless you are laughing for no reason…Then you need medicine.
KARMASUTRA: When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.
Some people just need a hug…around the neck…with a rope.
Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.
At first I cared, but then I was like “Nah, fuck you”.
Every day is another opportunity to fuck it all up again.
Care about what other people think and you will become their prisoner. – Lao Tzu
Didn’t care yesterday. Don’t give a shit today. Probably won’t give a fuck tomorrow.
Don’t worry about getting older. You’re still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
Be careful around ass kissers. They’re always the first to talk shit and start drama.
Don’t like me? Have a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck.
Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all. – Kurt Cobain
I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.
Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.
Being single is lonely. Being in a relationship is stressful. Just talking to people is fucking annoying. You really can’t win.
ALCOHOL! Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.