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Vulgar Quotes

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.

Non-alcoholic beer…

Sure I was talking about ice cream when I said “I’ll lick yours if you’ll lick mine”.

Sure I was talking about…

Dick pics are the human equivalent of a cat giving you a dead bird as a gift.

Dick pics…

My boss appointed me as his sexual adviser. He said “When I want your fucking advice I’ll ask for it”

My boss appointed me…

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be OK... or some rough sex or whatever.

Sometimes all you need…

When you are feeling powerless just remember, a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.

When you are feeling powerless…

If size doesn’t matter why are there no three inch dildos?

If size doesn’t matter…

Women only fart in front of men they love. If you haven’t heard her fart, you don’t have her heart.

Women only fart…

I wish I had as much confidence as my cat does when he licks his ass in the middle of a room full of people.

I wish I had…

I’m kind of like a finger in the ass. I’m either a wonderful surprise or make everything fucking awkward and uncomfortable.

I’m kind of…