Vulgar Quotes

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

The dildo of consequences…

The greatest difference between a man and woman is the meaning of: “What an ass.”

The greatest difference…

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.

Non-alcoholic beer…

Sure I was talking about ice cream when I said “I’ll lick yours if you’ll lick mine”.

Sure I was talking about…

Dick pics are the human equivalent of a cat giving you a dead bird as a gift.

Dick pics…

My boss appointed me as his sexual adviser. He said “When I want your fucking advice I’ll ask for it”

My boss appointed me…

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be OK... or some rough sex or whatever.

Sometimes all you need…

When you are feeling powerless just remember, a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.

When you are feeling powerless…

If size doesn’t matter why are there no three inch dildos?

If size doesn’t matter…

Women only fart in front of men they love. If you haven’t heard her fart, you don’t have her heart.

Women only fart…