Vulgar

Girls have magic powers. They get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.
I could never be a politician. I would start every debate with "listen here, motherfucker"
I am an optimist! I think most people are half full of crap.
People: Watch your language. Me: Oh fuck, sorry.
I believe in fuck off at first site.
I'm not sure if my life is getting better.. or the amount of fucks I give is declining everyday.
During sex, it’s perfectly fine to say “yeah”, “yes”, and “oh yes”, but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming “yep”.
When I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn't mean you won. It simply means your stupid ass isn't worth anymore of my time.
Sometimes you just have to chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on.
It’s better to shoot for the stars and miss than to aim at pile of shit and hit.
"FUCK IT" helped me through a lot of situations.
Some people will talk shit about you to get attention, because if they talk about themselves no one will give a fuck.
Life has a tendency of fucking things up when you finally get to be happy.
Men only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
I've been through hell throughout my life. And my ass just smiled the whole time.
Fuck excuses, learn to admit when you fuck up.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
I didn't turn into an asshole overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.
Stop saying “everything happens for a reason” when you fuck up! Shit happens because you let it.
Troubles are like dicks. Everybody thinks they got the biggest.
If you don't like the word cunt, then don't act like a cunt, and you won't be called a cunt. Ya cunt.
Be nice, but not too nice. The world will FUCK YOU otherwise.
Is FUCKTASTROPHY a word? Because I feel it could be useful.
Have you noticed that the people with verbal diarrhea are often the people with crap for brains?
EVERYONE’S FUCKED UP. You just gotta figure out what kind of fucked up you’re into.