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Vulgar Quotes

When a man is trying to make a decision, it’s often a struggle between his head and his heart. Then his penis walks in and says, “relax guys, I got this”.

When a man is trying…

Some people shit from their mouths and talk thru their asses.

Some people shit…

Fucking with me is like masturbating. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but when you’re done you realized you just fucked yourself.

Fucking with me is like…

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give him a pen and he'll probably draw a penis.

Give a man a fish…

I'm getting really sick and tired of underwear and responsibilities.

I’m getting really sick and tired…

I don’t have brain farts. My brain completely shits its pants from time to time.

I don’t have brain farts…

If you like it you lick it. Everybody knows that.

If you like it you lick it…

Trust you? I check the tissue after I wipe my own ass. I don’t trust shit.

Trust you?…

The thing about humans, they’ll lick each other’s buttholes but ask for a new fork if it falls on the ground.

The thing about humans…

Just because you have a beard, it doesn’t mean you’re a man. Vaginas can grow hair too.

Just because you have a beard…