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Almost every hand you have ever shaken has had a dick in it.
Love conquers all, except for herpes.
Whoever invented swear words is my fucking hero.
My ass may be dumb, but I ain’t no dumbass. – Samuel L. Jackson
Make yesterday the last day you spent giving a fuck about people that don’t show they give a fuck back.
Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Fool me once, fuck you. I keep it simple.
How many times does one need to say “Excuse me” before “Holly shit, get out of the fucking way” becomes acceptable?
Once a fuckboy, always a fuckboy.
I told him to take care of his eyes because they are the only balls he has.