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Vulgar Quotes

If you like it you lick it. Everybody knows that.

If you like it you lick it…

Trust you? I check the tissue after I wipe my own ass. I don’t trust shit.

Trust you?…

The thing about humans, they’ll lick each other’s buttholes but ask for a new fork if it falls on the ground.

The thing about humans…

Just because you have a beard, it doesn’t mean you’re a man. Vaginas can grow hair too.

Just because you have a beard…

As a true gentleman, I hold the door for my woman. Then I smack her ass.

As a true gentleman…

A foolish man complains about his torn pocket, while a wise man uses it to scratch his balls.

A foolish man complains…

Women are like iPhones: you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries: rub one ball and everything moves.

Women are like iPhones…

Go braless… It will pull the wrinkles out of your face.

Go braless…

I’m super fucked up and that’s part of my charm.

I’m super fucked up…

Opinions are like farts, everyone has them, no one wants to hear anyone else’s, and most of them stink. Except mine. Mine smell like roses.

Opinions are like farts…