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Vulgar Quotes

Opinions are like farts, everyone has them, no one wants to hear anyone else’s, and most of them stink. Except mine. Mine smell like roses.

Opinions are like farts…

Being alone in the toilet is the reminder that you will always be alone when shit happens in your life. Be strong.

Being alone…

Things that shouldn’t be broken 1. Hearts, 2. Promises, 3. Condoms

Things that shouldn’t be broken…

Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.

Without nipples…

Never trust anyone who spells gonorrhea right on the first try.

Never trust…

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. When life is a bitch beer is a must.

Ashes to ashes…

When things seem especially rough just ask yourself “did I just shit my pants today?” and if the answer is no, you’re doing alright.

When things seem…

I don’t always act my age, but when I do, I’m bored as fuck.

I don’t always act my age…

I beg your pardon: Polite way of saying "what the fuck did you just say".

I beg your pardon…

My swear jar could finance the fucking space program.

My swear jar…