People like to say they are "Real", but they don't say real what. Real shady, real needy, a real piece of shit. Sorry, but I need you to be more specific.
Life belongs to those who don’t give a fuck.
CUNSTPATED: Emotional or spiritual blockage caused by having to deal with too many cunts in one day.
I've come to the point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.
Dear life, could you at least start using lubricant?
GRAMMAR: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
The turtle can breathe through it’s ass. Humans have not yet reached this stage of evolution, although many have learned to talk through it.
When in doubt, remember "FISH": Fuck It, Shit Happens.
There is a fine line between paying someone compliments and kissing someone's arse. Never cross it.
I hate it when people tell me that swearing isn't necessary. I am fucking vulgar not stupid and I know it isn't fucking necessary. But it is very fucking satisfying.
Bitch Please, I'm so freaking fabulous, I pee glitter, shit cupcakes, and fart rainbows.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just a fucking twat waffle and isn't worth your time.
I am not an asshole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate assholes.
To all the adults using colouring books for stress relief, grow the fuck up and get drunk like the rest of us.
Wherever you go there is always going to be that one bitch you will feel the urge to punch in the face every time you see her.
Being an asshole is easy. Being a bitch takes style.
Bitch: Any girl who is skinnier or prettier than you.
Get a condom for your heart. I am about to fuck your feelings.
Manners: The art of smiling and nodding when all you want to do is slap that bitch in the face.
Opinions are like farts. Just because you have one inside you, doesn't mean you need to let it out.
Fuck Off Pie: 1 cup of no one cares, a dash of kiss my ass, add some fuck you's, a pinch of blow me. Stare and shove it up your ass.
People think I'm shy because I don't get involved with their conversations. The truth is that I really don't give a shit what they're talking about.
If my body was a car I would trade it for a newer model. Cause every time I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and and my exhaust backfires.
A lot of us fell in love with someone we should of only fucked once then murdered.
FUCK: The only fucking word that can be put every fuckingwhere and still make fucking sence.