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Vulgar Quotes

Forget about the zombie apocalypse, it’s never gonna happen. Worry about the dumbass apocalypse, it’s already upon ass.

Forget about…

Do you ever meet someone and think dumbass, then listen to them and think bloody fucking dumbass?

Do you ever meet someone…

Don’t half ass anything. Whatever you do, always use your full ass.

Don’t half ass anything…

For all the women that brag about how many men want them, just remember the cheapest prices attract the most customers.

For all the women…

Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.

Don’t try…

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I need it.

I would like…

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Condoms…

If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would fart.

If I wanted to listen…

First off sex on the first night is not hoeing. It’s an interview and if I call you the next day. You got the job.

First off sex…

Bitch please, your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Bitch please…